When I met God for myself!

My name is Lauren Hill and I am a 23 year old trying to find her way in this thing we call life. I just recently moved to the DMV area from California to pursue my masters at Georgetown University. Yes, I went to college in Virginia for four years but the move this time was totally different. I was an adult, moving to a different city long term. I was extremely blessed to be able to stay with my very good friend and her family until I was ready to move into an apartment.

I was ready for this new chapter in my life and excited!

Well when I moved it was good until a couple weeks. My previous job allowed me to work remote (WHICH I WAS THANKFUL FOR), BUT it limited me to staying home all day in the house doing work. This was cool for a moment but I began to feel lonely. I imagined my move a little different than it had panned out. As time passed I began to feel as if I needed my own life. Yes, I was around and lived with others but still felt so alone. Yes, I had some friends in the area but everyone still had their own lives, relationships, and responsibilities. Graduate school was challenging, and everything was so new. The city, adjusting to life in a new home, and more. I was going back and forth if this was the right decision for me. If this was where I needed to be. I missed my support system and my family back home. I wasn’t going to church. Everything was confusing. I began to search for jobs and was having a hard time finding one. I just felt alone. I tried to hide my feelings so people don’t worry but I was feeling empty inside.

As time moved on, I began to turn to the only thing I knew to do. GOD. Yes, I was raised in church, yes I participated in many ministries from childhood until my teenage years, yes I was always at church, yes my parents are leaders in the church, but I truly didn’t know God for myself. I remember I used to hear sermons about submitting to God and living a certain way but I never really paid attention to it. I used to tell myself I wasn’t ready for that. No doubt I believed and I loved God but I had no relationship. I had a desire and always admired people who spoke and talked about God and their relationship with him but I just didn’t have one and didn’t know how to go about developing that relationship. I prayed here and there but the only thing that spoke to me was gospel music. It wasn’t until I moved to Maryland when I started to have that itch for that relationship.

See God put me in a place in my life where I was uncomfortable, didn’t know what was next, lost, and confused. God took me out of my comfort zone and started to strip me to catch my attention. I was so emotional. I realized if I was going to get out this state I had to pursue a relationship with God. This was hard for me. Really trying to go down this path was difficult. Trying to live life in a way that is pleasing to him and not of this world. I started to talk to God like he was my friend. Not all the rehearsed stuff. It was refreshing to just talk as if he was sitting right next to me. I read Christian blogs and just was seeking him to a point where that’s all I thought about. Then things would pick up and I would slack off. THAT is where I went wrong. I had this bad habit of talking to God in trouble but not when things were good. That’s not a true relationship. I worked on this constantly, went to church to hear the word, prayed, and journaled. It was one day when I was wondering how God can use me. Something told me to “ write and share my experience.” This is how I got the idea and courage to write this post. Just recently I read the book of John. I have NEVER in my life read a book of the bible, let alone read it like that. Whenever I had free time I wanted to read it. It opened my eyes to the miracles that Jesus performed and the doubt and questioning he often received from those of this world.

I am very very very very far from where I need to be but I am starting this path and journey to truly knowing God for me. I have never thought of sharing my thoughts before but God tugged my spirit to write and share.

Thanks for reading !